Family.

Family is one of those words no one can really define.  There's the definition of family as it pertains to your own experience and how our own family is. There's the definition as it pertains to our own idealistic view of what family should be. It can be challenging to merge these two defintions to find the balance of ideal and reality.

My family, like most, is a beautiful mess.  I really couldn't define my family to you.  We love eachother, we pray for eachother, we sometimes enjoy spending time together.  We're relatively decent to eachother.  On the surface, we are a pretty close knit family.  On the flip side, our family is comprised of people.  Since people are flawed, so is our family.  We fight.  We crave our alone time.  We do things that drive eachother up the wall, sometimes intentionally. 

Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed with love for my family.  Those moments that only our family could appreciate.  The times we say or do things that only our family could understand.  The times we laugh at past family trips or family dinners.  Other times I find myself clicking my ruby slippers wishing to be anywhere but here or crying myself to sleep. 

I tend to be idealistic.   I see what reality could be and then I'm disappointed when it isn't.  I think idealism is one of those qualities that's both a strength and a weakness in and of itself.  It pushes me to be my best rather than settling in complacency.  It allows me to encourage others to strive for their best. But it can also present itself in criticism or judgement.  It can lead to dissappointment, frustration, or apathy. 

My purpose in writing isn't to condemn my family; I do love them dearly and they are amazing people.  I guess it's to say at the end of the day, your family is your family.  They're a part of who you are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It's easy to be frustrated but every family has their own set of flaws.  Every person has their own flaws. There's no way to separate yourself from your family.  You will always be connected.  For better or for worse. 

Be encouraged that the perfect family doesn't exist.  Even if your family doesn't get you at all, there's still some sort of a closeness you can't ignore.  Embrace your family for who they are and appreciate the role they've had in making you who you are today.  Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.  It's ok to disagree with your family, or to not get along, or to have a messy relationship.  Lets face it, relationships are messy, none messier than those in the family.  It's ok to recognize hurt and tension, but recognize the nuggets of good.  Get to know your family, and learn to love them.  For better or worse, they're the only one you have.