I love you!... And 24 others

I will admit it; I really enjoy watching the Bachelor.  It's my guilty pleasure.  You know that expression about something being like a train wreck, where you really want to look away you just can't?  That's kind of how I feel about the Bachelor. They never choose who I think they should choose, they always get rid of the nice girls/guys who have their life together and  keep the silly people around for extra drama and the whole concept of finding love through reality television seems a bit ridiculous and I tell myself every season that this is a silly show and I could be finding more productive ways to spend my time... yet alas I still find myself hanging out with the girls every Monday night, eating junk food, laughing about life and making predictions over who he/she will choose. 

I'm not exactly sure what the appeal is, it's just kind of delightful to watch each season.  You have the first episode where the first half hour is the Bachelor or Bachelorette jogging and taking their shirt off, followed by a sentimental speech as to why they are ready to say yes to love.  Then you have the contestants who also jog around and take their shirts off.  The first cocktail party where everyone gets out of the limo and recites their memorized first impression line.  You catch a glimpse of the contestants’ strategies.  Some go for deep conversation, some go for lighthearted comradary, some get confused and think they're at a talent show.  Everyone is competing for the Bachelor/Bachelorettes attention in hopes that they will win him/her over in their 2 minutes of conversation.  You meet those you love, those you love to hate, and those you love but sadly know will not be loved by the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

Then the rose ceremony, quite possibly my favorite moment of the night.  The daunting music and the solemn faces as the men/women line up and think about their magical moments, hoping their magical moments were a little more magical than the other contestants magical moments.  Then Chris Harrison comes out, "ladies... bachelor/bachelorette... it's the final rose... when you're ready."  Just in case the contestants or the viewers weren't aware that all but one rose had been distributed.  Then come the tears. The anger.  Those contestants who are completely shattered because the Bachelor/Bachelorette did not fall in love with them after 5 minutes of heartfelt conversation and those other contestants are just not meant for him/her like they are.  The Bachelor/Bachelorette feels badly about this, so it is a good thing they have 15 other women/men to console him/her.

I actually kind of like the Bachelor this season.  Brad Womack seems like a commendable young man and the more I see of him the more I like him.  While he has a reputation as the most hated man in America after dumping both final contestants the last time he debuted on this show, I think it's respectable that he had the decency to turn them down before proposing to them.  I mean let's be honest, how many seasons have there been of this show?  And two couples are married?  Not great odds.  While I appreciate that Mr. Womack has gone through extensive therapy and is now capable of love, sometimes I wish I could just pat the man on the shoulder and say "dude... you didn't find your wife on reality television... that is ok... that does not make you incapable of love."  He cares entirely too much what people think about him.  But, don't we all.

I started thinking this season about what I would be like as a contestant on the Bachelor and I gotta say, I don't think I would make it.  Even if I survived the house drama of living with 24 other women, it seems as though the Bachelor is quickly evolving into Fear Factor.  I mean we hear a girl talk about how her biggest fear is bugs, and where is her date? Spelunking in a dark, wet cave full of bugs and bats.  We see the girl who is terrified of heights and has to fly in a helicopter then scale down a skyscraper.  The girl who is terrified of deep water is taken underwater diving.  The woman who loses her racecar fiancé in a plane crash has to fly in a plane and then race a car. And then they always have that guilt comment of "I need you to risk this to show me you love me."  I mean really... you can't tell me this show isn't at least somewhat scripted.  The Bachelor would soon find out that as infatuated as I may be, he is dating 2 dozen other women and until I'm the last one standing I really have no intention of hiking through a buggy cave or scaling a building for him. 

Problem number two, handing over your heart knowing there is a very likely chance it will indeed be broken, or at least damaged a little.  Even the strongest man cannot hold 24 hearts without causing some scrapes and bruises. First dates are awkward enough without the pressure of knowing he's dating different girls every night that week and without having a full camera crew zooming in on that blemish you were trying so badly to hide.  Knowing how dreadfully awkward I can be in a normal dating situation, I would definitely be that girl that has the "fail music" as I like to call it playing in the background. It takes me forever to really be open in a normal relationship and I have concluded that I am far too wimpy to hand my heart out for all of America to scrutinize.

And lastly, problem number three.  Call me crazy, but I'm not really comfortable basing my decision to marry someone on how many movie favorites we have in common or how we both love swimming in Cancun.  Bachelor contestants however do not seem concerned with religious or political standings, life history, family philosophy, or anything of a deeper merit.  But hey, if you are ok moving from the unrealistic utopia of private islands and personal jets every night to the unknown of reality, more power to you.  The women who are concerned with these types of things are often accused of being too serious or of second guessing the relationship.  Again, I would be the one to have the "fail music" playing in the background.

I will say, as cynical as I am about the possibility of finding love through television, and as much of a failure as I may be as a contestant, I definitely think it's possible and I do enjoy watching the potential of a new relationship over the course of 8 weeks.  My conclusion based upon this show is A) Facing a fear with someone brings you closer than you normally might be in an ordinary situation.  B) People are intimidated by "perfection" and will consistently choose the flawed and dramatic over the nice and calm. And C) Even if two people would not date in normal life, anyone will fall for someone else in the name of competition. 

If you want it enough and work at it hard enough, any two people can fall in love. Sorting through all of the eligible bachelors and fair maidens and actually choosing and committing to that one in a million person, that's the true challenge. 

Singles Awareness Day

One of my favorite things about Valentines Day is reading peoples facebook statuses.  You have the couples that are all mushy gushy like "So excited to spend Valentines day with my sweetie pie honey buns sugar britches valentine babe together forever! *heart emoticon*"  Then you have the married couples who celebrated on a more convenient day or who are frantically running around trying to find that last bouquet of flowers.  You have those few church kids who say things like "Jesus is my perfect valentine."  And of course a good amount of singles awareness statuses. 

My perspective- Valentines Day is a wonderful holiday.  I love it.  It's definitely on my top 10 list for best holidays.  Singles Awareness? Maybe.  But why is that a bad thing?

I have never had an official valentine on Valentines Day but I've always had really great Valentines Days.  Whether I was little and my dad would surprise me with chocolate, or I would pick out a special valentine for my elementary crush.  All those years in middle school where you hold your breath everytime a candygram delivery is made, crossing your fingers that one is for you.  Highschool where you boycott the holiday entirely in favor of watching chick flicks with the girls and eating exorbitant amounts of chocolate.  College where you get groups of singles friends together for a party or a night out. 

I love being able to encourage others on Valentines Day.  A few years I've made special Valentines dinners for my girlfriends or sent them flowers.  I've spent a few Valentines with my middle school and high school girls.  It's just a great day to encourage someone you love and to let them know you appreciate them.  So many people seem to miss out on an opportunity to love someone because they feel like it has to be a romantic love or the holiday doesn't apply to them.  Girls, you can have so much fun hanging out with your girlfriends and encouraging eachother.  Guys, you can brighten a girls entire week by sending her a valentine to let you know you appreciate her.  It doesn't have to be romantic, just let people know you appreciate them.  Let them know you were thinking about them and you thought they deserved something special. 

I will admit, sometimes I walk through a store and a cute card or stuffed animal catches my eye and I think, that will be so fun someday to be able to get something cute like that.  Sometimes when I'm serving seafood alfredo to my gal pals I think, someday I can serve this to my husband.  But then it hits me, like a ton of bricks, that I will have the rest of my life to share Valentines Day with my husband but only a few years of sharing this favorite day with family and friends.  Every Valentines Day is different and I experience so much love with so many friends and family. 

I also get to be a hopeless romantic for a day.  I get to daydream about who my guy might be.  When I might meet him.  I get to wonder if he ever thinks about me and what he's doing right now.  There is so much potential and so much excitement.  This singleness is a season I will never get back.  While I look forward to having an official valentine and to all that entails, I also really love my single valentines days and I know I'm going to miss them when they're gone.

My two cents on the holiday, don't waste your next valentines day complaining or feeling sorry for yourself or waiting for another day.  Dare to be single.  Dare to have fun.  Dare to enjoy yourself.  This day is not just made for couples, or for you years from now,  it's made for you now.  Embrace it and have a happy Valentines Day!

Just Do It

Just Do It.  Three words coined by Nike in 1988 that have huge connotation.  Personally, I am a thinker.  A planner.  I spend hours each day thinking about my next move and then replaying it my head at night.  I have big ambition and elaborate goals but only vague conceptions of how to get there. 

I think the first step is the hardest.  Whether it's applying to colleges, or to your first job, or starting your own company; maybe asking someone out or proposing, trying something new.  It's scary.  The demon of insecurity is inside every person, some bigger than others.  That voice that says "You're aiming too high.  That's in that league and you are in this league.  Wait for something to come to you. You definitely just said/wore/did the wrong thing." 

Working with high school students, students are constantly coming to talk to me about stress and big decisions on where to go after high school, what to say when they apply, what to study when they get there, how to interact with a new roommate.  It's an intimidating time that I remember all to well.

For me, like many of my friends, the challenge is finding a job.  More than a job, a career.  The odds are not good.  The majority of employers in this world want you to have experience before they hire you, and few will hire you to obtain said experience.  There are tons of people looking right now, many are more qualified than a recent graduate.  It's easy to hem and haw and send out a few resumes with low expectations, but if you set low expectations, you'll reach them.

I started thinking back through my life at past jobs I obtained or past successes and I found a common trait.  I wanted it, and I did it.  When you really want something you force yourself to take that first step.  To call the college of your dreams and ask them if they could meet with you.  To walk into an office and ask to deliver your resume to the CEO.  To make a dinner reservation and ask that girl out.  To put in some ear plugs, pick up that sax and learn a new hobby.  Don't be discouraged if it's not the ideal image of perfection you had in your mind_ you'll get there.  But for now, you just have to start.

In my experience, things that get started have a phenomenally higher chance of going somewhere than things that don't get started.  My encouragement to you- you CAN do it.  The first step is the scariest, but then you get to enjoy what could be a lifelong and amazing ride. 

So whatever it is that you are hemming and hawing over, breathe in, breathe out, and Just Do It.

Sunday School is its own culture

I just got home from babysitting all morning, three sometimes adorable boys, each filled with an exuberant amount of energy.  We have a weekly playdate that consists of emptying every container and toybox, touching every toy for a few seconds before moving on to the next, semi-watching a Disney movie while simultaneously playing, practicing throwing the ball gently and not hitting our little brothers, and eating snacks. 



Traditional Noah's Ark



I watch them in a Sunday School nursery and I can't help but notice that almost every Sunday School nursery I've been in looks the same.  A swing, a few rocking chairs, lots of toyboxes and containers, and always a mural of Noah's ark on the wall.  You know the one.  The big picture of the cute ark and friendly Noah with his beard and robe, and all the animals smiling in pairs, the giraffes heads poking through the roof.



A bit ironic when you think about it_ having Noahs ark all smiley and cheerful in every nursery.  I mean when you really stop to think about it, the animals were in the ark because God was pouring out his wrath over all the earth and drowning everyone and everything that wasn't on that boat.  It was a world wide tragedy bigger than 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina.  And think about the animals.  They were forced to get on in pairs.  You don't think at least a few of those animals were saying "Noah... really... Geoffrey? Of all the giraffes... you stick me with Geoffrey? He's so geeky and always playing with toys and he can't even write his "R" in the right direction.  So juvenille."  Or "Noah.... seriously... Jimminy?  He is such a killjoy.  He is ALWAYS telling me what to do and that I should do the right thing.  He never lets me have any fun.  Major nag."  Or maybe "Noah... I can't take it anymore! I can't believe you picked Pumba!  He smells so bad it makes me want to faint.  And I just saw him eat three burrittos and chilli cheese fries.  He needs to sleep with Peppe La Pew tonight because I am so not sharing my mud pile with him."  Or "Noah. The rabbits are at it again.  This cannot keep happening.  I have children now to think about." I realize in each of these examples the female is the one complaining, but isn't that kind of how reality is anyway?



My personal favorite





I joke, but really I'm kind of amazed at a childs innocence.   Violence doesn't really seem to exist for them.  They know about it, but it seems to mesmorize them in a story-like fashion rather than hinder their joy.  The four year old today asked to watch Tarzan today and then asks me "Wait... is that the one with the baby? And the Cheetah? And the Cheetah kills the baby?... Awesome! I love that cheetah."  As I contemplated between laughing and being utterly disturbed,    he looked over to his younger brother and gave him a hug and said "I love you 'siah."  Precious moments.



I just love their honesty.  This morning for some reason the women decided to turn on the speakers in the nursery.  I babysit for a womens Beth Moore study and other than the two moms I sit for, most of the women are easily in their 50s-70s.  All of a sudden we hear this elderly woman start talking, and then she starts singing songs in a somewhat opera fashion like "Goooood said it.... IIIII Belieeeeve it.... And that's goooooood enoff for meeee... Yes Goooood said it... so youuuuuuu should belieeeeve it... and it should be gooooood enoff for youuuuu tooooo."  And "Goooooood loves me, so IIIII can risk loving youuuuu, and Goooood loves youuuuuu, so youuuu can rissssk loving meeeee toooooo." 



Seriously, Can't make this stuff up.  So as we're being serenaded the two year old looks at me and says "I don't like this song."  And I was like... "Well bud, me neither." I think it was the first time I've actually wished I could be listening to the Wiggles "Fruit Salad" song on repeat instead.   Then later as Beth Moore was preaching to us (If you haven't heard Beth Moore, think about those big black televangelists like Rev. TD Jakes, who yell things like "WE NEED TO REPENT! THE SPIRIT IS UPON US! CAN SOMEONE SAY JESUSSSSS!!"... but tiny and blonde and with a texas accent)  the four year old looks at me and says "Can you please ask her to stop talking.  I want to watch my movie, and she's very loud."  I love Beth Moore_I've read a few of her books_ but she was interrupting the epic cheetah coming after the baby scene, so I can understand his frustration.



I just love their bluntness.  Blunt and Innocent.  Two qualities I wish we held on to as we grew up.  Even at 1, 2, and 4 these boys all crave indepdence.  They want to be grown up and do everything themselves and any rule I give them like "Don't stick your finger in the electric socket" or "Don't use your brother as a chew toy" are just me taking away their fun.  I don't think that part changes much as we get older.  Our desire to know everything, to be independent.  Don't get me wrong, independence is great, but sometimes I think we stop growing simply because we feel there is nothing anyone else can teach us or show us. I think this is a horribly dangerous mindset. 



It's like a fruit tree.   When the fruit is green, it's growing, it's alive.  When the fruit turns ripe, it falls off the tree and dies.  There's nothing else for it to do once it's grown.  I think our lives work the same way.  As long as we're growing and we recognize that maybe someone out there might know more than we do, we continue to grow and learn and thrive.  Once we step into that mindset of thinking we know everything, there's nothing left. 



I love how much I learn just by hanging out with kids.  So much pure, bare wisdom.  Epiphany for the day- We're not as independent as we think we are, sometimes rules are there for a reason, and every Sunday School nursery has a Noahs Ark mural.







Family.

Family is one of those words no one can really define.  There's the definition of family as it pertains to your own experience and how our own family is. There's the definition as it pertains to our own idealistic view of what family should be. It can be challenging to merge these two defintions to find the balance of ideal and reality.

My family, like most, is a beautiful mess.  I really couldn't define my family to you.  We love eachother, we pray for eachother, we sometimes enjoy spending time together.  We're relatively decent to eachother.  On the surface, we are a pretty close knit family.  On the flip side, our family is comprised of people.  Since people are flawed, so is our family.  We fight.  We crave our alone time.  We do things that drive eachother up the wall, sometimes intentionally. 

Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed with love for my family.  Those moments that only our family could appreciate.  The times we say or do things that only our family could understand.  The times we laugh at past family trips or family dinners.  Other times I find myself clicking my ruby slippers wishing to be anywhere but here or crying myself to sleep. 

I tend to be idealistic.   I see what reality could be and then I'm disappointed when it isn't.  I think idealism is one of those qualities that's both a strength and a weakness in and of itself.  It pushes me to be my best rather than settling in complacency.  It allows me to encourage others to strive for their best. But it can also present itself in criticism or judgement.  It can lead to dissappointment, frustration, or apathy. 

My purpose in writing isn't to condemn my family; I do love them dearly and they are amazing people.  I guess it's to say at the end of the day, your family is your family.  They're a part of who you are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It's easy to be frustrated but every family has their own set of flaws.  Every person has their own flaws. There's no way to separate yourself from your family.  You will always be connected.  For better or for worse. 

Be encouraged that the perfect family doesn't exist.  Even if your family doesn't get you at all, there's still some sort of a closeness you can't ignore.  Embrace your family for who they are and appreciate the role they've had in making you who you are today.  Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.  It's ok to disagree with your family, or to not get along, or to have a messy relationship.  Lets face it, relationships are messy, none messier than those in the family.  It's ok to recognize hurt and tension, but recognize the nuggets of good.  Get to know your family, and learn to love them.  For better or worse, they're the only one you have.

Blunt Humor

Recently I met singer James Blunt.  A friend of my mothers had won some tickets through a radio promotion and was unable to make the showing.  I don't know much about James Blunt. My mom asked me what I knew and I told her all I knew was that he sang that one "Beautiful" song and I was pretty sure he had an accent of some sort. She asked me if he sang anything else; I assumed he did though I wouldn't know what. I'm not very hip when it comes to popular music so I felt a little better when I overheard the station employees discussing their lack of knowledge in the station lobby.  The station administrator said to the receptionist that she knew James Blunt was a singer who sang that "Beautiful" song, and she assumed he sang other songs as well though she wouldn't know which ones. 

I must say I was pleasantly surprised.  Not only was James an excellent performer, he was quite funny.  Charming really. I kind of had this idea that James Blunt would be somewhat cynical and leave me feeling dismayed.  I always thought "Beautiful" was a bit of a depressing song.  A girl who is incredibly beautiful that he can never be with.  I'm pretty sure he jumps off a cliff in the music video.  He followed "Beautiful" with another song about a woman he was hopelessly pining for as she wed another man and how he would always love her even though she would never be his and he was dying on the inside.  After his audience was in a sufficient state of despair he joked about how his next song would be more upbeat as he clearly didn't get the last girl he was singing about.  He introduced his next song about another girl who he hadn't known quite as long as the previous one. Maybe 20 minutes.  Then he began his performance about wanting a one night stand.  He really had a delightful sense of humor throughout his performance, whether or not his music is inspired by a real heartbreak or that real soulmate who got away.

Laughter is one of the most fantastic gifts in life.  Sometimes I think it's life's free therapy. You instantly feel better after a good laugh.  Whether it's being silly with friends or watching a dumb youtube video.  It's a way of releasing lifes tension or lightening the mood.

I tend to be immediately attracted to funny people.  Witty banter is one of my favorite forms of conversation; I love people who have that quick wit and sarcastic quip on the tip of their tongue. There's just something comfortable to me about being able to joke and laugh and poke fun in an ordinary conversation. 

Have you ever used humor as a form of self defense? Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that James Blunt  has some deeply saddening past and jokes away his agony, but it did make me think with how quickly he was able to lighten the mood with a few humorous remarks.  But in my own life, I can think of numerous times I've tried to keep the mood light with a joke or sarcastic remark.  I think it's how I protect myself.  People can't laugh at you if they're laughing with you.  You can't be hurt if a relationship or situation wasn't all that serious to begin with.  You can make people feel more comfortable if you joke about your less than fortunate life situations; it's sort of like saying, "I'm ok.. it's ok... see... we're joking about it."

While humor is great, sometimes I think it keeps us from enjoying some of lifes more serious moments.  Sometimes I think it's ok to be vulnerable; it's ok to be real and open.  Sometimes life hurts.  Sometimes relationships hurt.  Sometimes baseballs hurt.  In any event, I think this like most other predicaments in life comes down to finding that crazy thing called balance.  Don't be afraid to have real moments, but laugh when you can, and don't take yourself or your life too seriously.  Just be you.

If I inspired any interest in Mr. Blunt you can check out his new album "Some Kind of Trouble", available now.   James and band if you ever stumble across this, I do wish you the best of success in your musical as well as relational endeavors, and many laughs along the way.

Laughs, Lattes, and Life Opinions

I'm new to the blogging world so I haven't yet learned the official rules and vernacular. It seems that successful blogging has one specific and narrow purpose, but I've always felt like one of the greatest freedoms in our country is the freedom of speech_ of thought and opinion.  If you've ever laughed at a book or a movie, or if you've shared a meaningful conversation over a cup of coffee, or asserted your opinion in a class or forum, you know this feeling I'm talking about.  This feeling of being connected to another person, of expressing yourself or your thoughts and listening to a different perspective.  It's a feeling of comfort in knowing that regardless of where two individuals have come from in life, or what they believe or who they are, there is always some form of common ground that breeds unity.

My caveat for this blog is that this is nothing more than laughs, lattes and life opinions from my own life.  Read them with a grain of salt.  Take what you like, leave what you don't.  The purpose is not to convert the rest of the blog reading world to my perspective but rather the opposite; to present my one perspective and to read countless others.  It's a place to share, discuss, debate.  A place to share laughs, discuss over a cup of coffee, and debate life opinions. A place to embrace the beautiful freedom of fellowship.