I sat down at my keyboard tonight, and this is what came out. "A Life Unplanned." Lyrics below. A little cheesy maybe. Most songs are. Getting a little vulnerable here so stay with me. Fear and doubt are acquaintances of mine but they do not often stay long and I'm not looking for any "there there" kinds of comments. Sometimes life just seems to happen really fast. Similar to the concept behind my "Just Do It" post, life is still moving quickly, it is still intimidating, and I still need to just do it. I'm still a planner. I still hate uncertainty. I really can't describe to you what the unknown feels like to me. Exciting, but terrifying. My confidence is on a teeter totter lately. Some days I feel incredibly prepared- I remember that I have been preparing for life for over two decades and I truly believe I can do anything I set my mind to. I remember that God has never let me down before and I have always been successful when I really set my mind to something and I feel ready to take on life. Other days, I feel incredibly inadequate, timid, and not ready. It's mind over matter really. If I let myself listen to that little voice of insecurity, I hold myself back. If I choose to ignore it and I choose instead to remember that with perseverance, google, and a little bit of sweat there's nothing you can't accomplish, I feel ready to take on the world.
As difficult as it may be for me to believe at times, my philosophy is truly that impossible is just a word. As much as I struggle with doubt, I do truly believe that everyone was created with a unique set of skills and personality and that everyone has the potential to be and do something amazing. Something big.
To all readers who may be facing a new chapter in life, a new direction, a decision-- You can do it. You can be all you can be. You can do anything you set your mind to. And you will be fine. Uncomfortable? Maybe. But nothing of eternal significance ever happens in your comfort zone. And realistically, you can only take one step at a time, so just focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Stress happens when you stop to dwell on the unknown. The trick is to move too quickly for stress to keep up. Embrace the beauty of a life unplanned.
These are the lyrics that trickled out tonight. Like I said, a little cheesy, but sometimes the first draft is simply the most honest.
Can the world slow down, for just one day
Can I just push pause for a brief escape
Can someone give me an answer, tell me what’s next
I’m so afraid of taking another unknown step
Sometimes it seems I become paralyzed
Lost in frustration as I quickly realize
I see my youth and childhood in my rear view mirror
Innocence behind me, Uncertainty ahead
Decisions surround me, in isolation
Can we please just stop time for a moment
Just long enough to catch my breath and make a plan
Can we please just pause life for a second
Will someone just please take my hand
No longer a child, but I still don’t feel grown
Surrounded by friends and family, but I still feel alone
I’ve spent my whole life in a huddle, learning to prepare
Now they’re telling me it’s time to play, and my audience is staring at me
Telling me to make a move, any move will do
And when I finally think I’m ready, and I go to take that step
My insecurities overcomes me, and all I know, I somehow forget
And I see my youth and childhood in my rearview mirror
Innocence behind me, uncertainty ahead
Decisions surround me, in isolation
Can we please stop time for just a moment
Just long enough to catch my breath and make a plan
Can we please just pause life for a second
Will someone just please take my hand
So I close my eyes, step into the unknown
Remember everything I’ve learned
Hold my head up high, put on my high heeled shoes
And though decisions overwhelm me, I open my eyes and choose
And I see my youth and childhood in my rearview mirror
Innocence behind me, uncertainty ahead
Decisions surround me; I could turn back but insteadI thank God for this moment
Take a breath and enjoy a life unplanned
And I won’t waste another second
Trying to understand
There’s a life worth living, and a future for me
And 20 years of preparation, being told that I can be all I want to be
Striving every moment, to be my best
To become the woman, I was meant to be
And I put one foot in front of the other, step into possibility
Because time goes by, Life moves on
And I won’t waste another minute, trying to understand
Because time goes by, Life moves on
And I’m living a life, unplanned
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