Throughout the years I've had many a late night discussion, sat through many a sermon, and journaled in many a quiet time as I tried to discern where God was calling me. I remember being confused in elementary school because in kindergarten they kept telling me I was there to prepare for the first grade. Then when I finally achieved success and made it to the first grade they told me I was only there to prepare for the second grade. This pattern continued and somewhere along the fifth/sixth grade mark I realized that the entire reason I was in any of these grades was to prepare for life. My entire life has been about my future.
There's this pressure to figure out where God is calling you. Like there's one road you're supposed to travel down and if you take a wrong turn your whole life will be wasted. I feel like we can miss out on so much of our life trying to figure out how to do life rather than actually doing it. There's so much emphasis on where we are headed in our future rather than where we are now. As I sit through conversation after conversation with college friends and high school students questioning what they are supposed to commit to for their life, I can't help but think, maybe it's not an issue of finding something specific that God is calling you to commit your life to, and maybe it's not an issue of right and wrong choices. Maybe God is simply calling us to abide in Him, and finding a way to commit to Christ now.
Throughout scripture, rarely do you read of someone who had one set plan from youth into adulthood that they actively had to pursue. More often than not it was someone who was just going about their ordinary, mundane life when God decided to take them on a new adventure. Those who were actively pursuing the calling God had for them often ended up somewhere completely different. Seeking God's will for our lives isn't a bad thing, but the problem is that when we seek out what God has for our lives, we take over the control to make it happen. We're no longer living by faith, but rather we are living by logic and careful planning. It’s not a bad thing to plan ahead but maybe this isn’t a burden we are meant to handle by ourselves.
This week I especially wrestled with this idea as I have been researching various ministries to be involved in in my new hometown. There's so many! Do I stick with the youth ministry since I now have 6 years experience under my belt? Do I go to another age group? Do I focus on inner city? Prison ministry? Where has God equipped me to go? I could spend months pouring over the various ministry websites, taking spiritual gifts tests, etc... but at some point, I am going to have to pick one.
I was just talking to a friend about the hesitancy to commit to something that doesn't promise a long timeline. There can be a hesitancy to commit to a ministry if you're not sure it's where God has you or if you know you won't be there for a long period of time. It can be tempting to stay somewhere familiar and safe while you wait for that perfect life plan to fall into your lap. One thing I learned in college was that God can do a lot with a little bit of time, and God can do a lot in places you never expected to go. The greatest impact I had in ministry and the greatest personal growth I experienced along with some of my deepest relationships all happened in my last semester at college. They happened in ministries I was reluctant to commit to, and jobs that were solely to pay the bills. If I had skipped out on these opportunities since I knew I only had a few months, I would have missed out on so much joy. That’s the great thing about God. He really can use anything and everything for His glory.
The more I've thought about it, the more I think that God is not calling us to a specific location or vocation or ministry. I think he is simply calling us to abide in Him. To love God, and love others. To seek first the kingdom of Heaven so that He can add everything else to us. I think that's the whole point of Christianity. It's not about a list of do's and don'ts, or having this constant pressure of trying to figure out the one role we are meant to play in life. It’s not about trying to discover our purpose. It’s about knowing we have a purpose. It's about learning to be me. It's about learning about God's love for me, and finding ways to share that love with others. It's about having an infectious devotion to the good news of having freedom in Christ. Freedom to live the life that only we can live. Freedom to enjoy our lives. Freedom to experience the incredible blessing of unconditional love. Freedom to unconditionally love others. It's not about falling into the right mold. It's about making my own mold, and learning how to be me.
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