So it was about 11:30pm, and I was laying in bed, unwinding from my day enjoying the flicker of dim light from my lavender candle, thinking about how great it was that I was going to sleep before midnight, when all of a sudden, I felt really awake. The kind of awake that says... I shouldn't be sleeping right now... something is not right. So i turned my head and spot a ginormous cockroach right by my face. Sooooo not okay. After an embarassing girlish squeal, I sat up trying to figure out where the little stinker went while simultaneously thanking God for my innate bug-dar. It's really quite amazing... I can spot a bug a mile away in my peripheral vision. I just know. I can sense an evil presence.
Realizing the bug had crawled somewhere inside my dresser, I proceeded to dismantle my dresser. It was now roughly midnight and all of my drawers were out with clothes thrown all over my recently cleaned floor. I almost had him, but then he moved, and I squealed again, and off he went. Vanished. So now I'm sitting on my bed with a converse in one hand and a vaccuum in the other, completely wide awake, knowing I will not be able to sleep knowing one of Satan's creatures is lurking beneath my sacred sleeping place. I debated sleeping in my car, but thought, that might be weird. Debated sleeping on my loveseat, but thought, that might be painful. Debated sleeping with my lights on, since I've heard roaches are afraid of lights... so if all of my lights were on, said roach would stay away from me right? Sounded like pretty good logic to me. Right as I was about to conced with this idea, I found him. Stomped him. Squished him. Flushed him. Repeatedly. My gracious, those things just don't die! Seriously, if cats have 9 lives, roaches must have 90. It's ridiculous.
So after my fiasco, I laid back down in bed, re-lit my lavender candle, put on some worship music, grabbled my Bible, hoping to mellow out a little and not have nightmares of bugs crawling all over me all night. Then I started thinking.... Pharoh must have really not wanted to let his people go.
It's blogs like these I suppose that lead people to assert that I should be a pastors wife or a sunday school teacher. I can't help it, it's just how my mind thinks. Stay with me for a moment though. You remember the story of Moses in the Old Testament, where Moses is supposed to go back to Egypt, face his family, and ask Pharoh to let his people go? To let "his" people go, after he had been raised in the same home as the Pharoh. To condemn the very gods he most likely grew up worshipping. Pharoh says no, so God sends all of these plagues, one of which being locusts. Big, fat, ugly locusts, similar to roaches, but with wings, as to enable them to fly. Not only roaches, but frogs, blood, sickness, death. Horrible plagues.
One little cockroach was almost enough to make me consider moving, or at the very least moving to my car for a night. I cannot imagine having so many thousands that you couldn't see in front of you. I am literally cringing just at the thought of it. And yet, as horrendous as that must have been, Pharoh was still unwilling to let his slaves go. Pharoh was still unwilling to allow his heart to be softened, or to worship the I Am that Moses proclaimed.
I've talked to a lot of people about the issue of why salvation isn't freely given to everyone. How can a loving God send His children to Hell? If God was real, wouldn't He love His children enough to forcibly take them into Heaven? These are questions that can never be fully answered and could spur into a myriad of thoughts, but I want to focus on one inparticular. I want to focus on the idea that if God is real, there should be enough evidence to bring us to Him. If God is real, I should be able to know that He is real. If only God proved Himself to me, THEN, I would follow Him.
I've had several conversations with friends who will say "Ok, well, I can't argue with you about who you say God is, but it's just not enough for me. I need something bigger. I need more evidence, more proof. I need evidence beyond any reasonable doubt before I choose to believe in any unseen God. If God is real, I need Him to show Himself to me."
Several times in the gospels, the Pharisees ask Jesus for a sign. They ask Him to do something miraculous and Jesus essentially tells them that they have already been given the signs that they need. No more miraculous sign will sway their opinions. Even when Jesus was hanging on the cross He was taunted by the crowd jeering that if He was really the Messiah, He should do something, give them a sign, step down off the cross. No attention was paid to the fact that as He hung, he was fullfilling prophecy and arguably the greatest sign ever displayed. I don't know why God chooses to speak more loudly to some than others; I suppose that is His perrogative. I don't know why He whispers softly to some and blinds others off their donkies. But I do think He desires to have His message shared with all.
One story that always made me think is in Luke 16, The Rich Man and Lazarus. In a nutshell, Lazarus is very poor, a diseased beggar, who lays at the door of the rich man who lives every day in luxury. He would lay by the door, longing for scraps, and the rich man's dogs would come lick his sores. (Pretty image huh?) One day, the beggar dies and his soul goes to Abraham's Bosom (temporary Heaven if you will, before Christ was resurrected and there was Heaven as we now understand it). The rich man also dies, and his soul goes to the place of the dead. In torment, the rich man sees Lazarus in the far distance with Abraham. The rich man starts shouting and begging Father Abraham to please have pity on him. He begs him to send Lazarus to dip his finger in water to cool him, because he is burning in anguish in the flames.
Abraham replies that while on earth the roles were reversed, and now in death there is justification. The rich man must suffer while Lazarus is comforted, and there is no way for either party to cross to the other side. The rich man begs Father Abraham to send Lazarus to his father's home to warn his five brothers about this horrible place of torment so that they will not have to have this experience. Abraham responds that they have already been warned and have full access to the writings of Moses and the prophets. The rich man retorts that that is not enough; but if someone is sent to them from the dead, then surely they will believe. The story ends with Abrahams response that if they will not listen to Moses, and the prophets, they will not listen to someone else, even if they have raised from the dead.
That always bothered me because I always felt like it was unfair to not provide a blatant orange cone. Something that screams "You are going to suffer eternal damnation if you do not change your ways; but there is hope and everlasting love in the Savior Jesus Christ, and all you must do is believe and take advantage of the abundant life He wants to give you- the abundant life that will save you from death and torment." But as Abraham says, and as Jesus says, and as scripture repeatedly says, we have been given what we need to make a conscious decision on whether or not to follow Christ. The Heavens proclaim God's glory, and if the people no longer praised God, even the rocks would cry out, because God's glory is evident everywhere, in us and through us. He has given us everything we need to make a decision, and if we can still not believe after God has sent His son to die on a cross in our place, and conquered death so that we can share in eternal life, there is no greater sign for us to be shown.
Back to Pharoh. Pharoh made a decision to do what he wanted to do, and to disobey God by keeping slaves. He maintained this decision through plagues of blood, frogs, gnats, flies, livestock, boils, hail, locusts, darkness and death. (Exodus 7-11ish) He maintained this decision though the plea came from Moses who had grown up with him. He maintained his decision through repeated chances, and thus his heart was hardened.
Who are we kidding when we say that we can't follow a God who can't prove Himself to us? Have you honestly never had a moment where you felt that there could possibly be a God and He could possibly be calling you? Maybe even several moments? Do we realize that with every hush of this still small voice we are allowing our hearts to become harder? Our hearts are hardening until we are no longer connected to the spirit and no longer connected to God, and then we wonder why God isn't speaking to us. We wonder why our lives aren't as joyful and fulfilled as scripture promises us they will be.
Do we ever stop and think about the ramifications of allowing our hearts to harden? If we do, do we think only about long drawn out scenarios like Pharoh over a course of several plagues and years of sinfulness, or do we think about the little things, like how in 1 Peter 3 husbands are commanded to give honor to their wives because if they do not treat their wives like they should their prayers will not be heard. Do we think about how "sin" is anything that separates us from God, regardless of how large or small? Do we think about how turning away from God, in any size or fashion, turns us directly away from the benefits of holiness and of our royal inheritance? Do we think, when we are angry with God for not speaking to us, that maybe, just maybe, it's because we have tuned Him out? And maybe, obedience is the first step to reconciliation, and maybe God is desparately longing to speak to us and to share His incredible and omnipotent wisdom with us, if only we will get over ourselves long enough to shut up and listen. That maybe as 2 Peter says if we truly lived in expectation that God wanted to speak to us and into our lives and we lived with faith in that promise that our faith would produce a life of moral excellence, which would lead to knowing God better, which would lead to self-control, which would lead to patient endurance, which would lead to godliness, which would lead to love for other Christians which finally leads to genuine love for everyone, and that in discovering a genuine love for everyone we will have finally discovered our purpose and a fulfilled life?
I realize that that is a mouthful, and it is now almost 2am, but I am just so caught up in the passion of slowly understanding that I am robbing myself of the benefits that are found in abiding in Christ, by making silly choices. Choosing now over forever.
Do we ever stop to think, that maybe, when God says He loves us and wants to spend eternity with us, and wants to share His eternal inheritance with us, and wants to give us abundant life and blessings and joy through earthly trials, and rest for the weary and freedom to the oppressed... maybe, just maybe, He actually means it?
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